For the past two months I've been determined to move at the end of August. I have been determined to move from here before, but this feeling of determination seems more resolute than the previous ones. I have been more confident in my ability to actually follow through with moving, and had more faith that I won't be overwhelmed by the process. Perhaps as importantly, I no longer see real reason to stay.

I do not like it here. It is small, close-minded and provincial, and I have sucked what marrow there was from it anyway. I have many friends, but few are close, and I fear the degree to which they might be friends of necessity. There are always things to do, but they're rarely worthwhile or even entertaining things. The local university has been good to me, but is small and poorly respected, and not without reason.

My plan has been to move to nearby Halifax, a city with at least three times the population this does, a very large student population and an atmosphere it's easy to feel comfortable in. (Also a ludicrous number of bars -- one has to keep their monkeys fed, you know.) In recent weeks I've come to doubts about the wisdom of going to Halifax, for its advantages seem few and it is not without disadvantages.

Significant among the disadvantages is the anticipated social situation I'd find myself in. I know a few people there (although not a huge number) and fear that I would, via the path of least resistance, fall in among them. Were this the only element to be considered, the decision to move elsewhere would be an easy one: Much of the incentive for moving comes from a desire to break free of the social group I find myself in here, and those people I know in Halifax are but extended tendrils of the same. As it stands, it is not (as often is the case) so simple. Balanced against this is a fear of utter isolation were I to go somewhere where I knew fewer people. I do not make friends easily, particularly without friends in common to serve as a path for introduction.

There is a small, but not unrealistically small chance that I would be able to find a roommate in Halifax, as a friend here may soon be moving here. This would cement the group of people I'd spend time with, but would do so at such a huge financial savings that it could be worth it.

Pragmatically, however, managing this would be challenging. He won't know if he'll be moving until early September, at which point I will have to be wherever I am to end up. This would put ahead of me the prospect of potentially breaking a lease, and at the very least moving twice, neither of which holds any appeal. He is vegetarian, however, which redeems this possibility to the level of "somewhat enticing". There are some minor other Halifax roommate possibilities, but my (perhaps unjustified) doubt about my ability to live with most people removes these options from those I am seriously considering.

While Halifax is not small, it is also not large. Since I seem to be at least a tiny bit hesitant to move (despite my hatred for where I am) it would be convenient, psychologically speaking, if I were to move to an undeniably Big City^TM, so as to vanquish any fears I do have about such places consuming me whole. As well, it seems like I would really enjoy the advantages offered by a big city at this phase in my life.

Finally, Halifax seems too close. It is scarred for me with associations of here and associations of its own. The age-old desire to break free and start something new, cliched though it is, is a powerful one.

What is most striking about this dilemma is how open ended it is. I have every reason to believe that I will continue to be employed by my current employers no matter where I am, so long as I have internet access. The courses I need to finish my degree are introductory general courses that any university on the planet would offer. I make a reasonable amount of money, and will have enough accumulated by the end of August to cover any realistic moving expenses. There is nothing that makes remaining in Nova Scotia a particularly better option than not. In this light, going to Halifax seems stranger still. Something international may be possible, I suppose, but could be challenging this late. As well, while I am vastly more confident in my actually escaping this island than I have been in previous times, arranging an international move may be difficult enough so as to be pushing my luck. Easy options seem preferable, if only to increase the likelihood of me actually following through with them. Were I to limit myself to Canada, the obvious options are Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver.

So, what say you husi? Thoughts? Advice? Memories? Drunken belligerence (greyrat option)? I'll slurp it all up and thank you for it when I'm done.